On My Way to an IV – Poem

I’m on my way to an IV.
Writing this driving on my phone a bit riskily
But I built my biz on my lap in the car
The lengths I’m willing to go to is far.

To fix my health which also requires wealth
But I forget the emotions hiding in stealth
I’m mechanical, moving through the day
Missing this piece my body has to say

Today I’m hot, burning, and inflamed
The distracting lost time can’t be reclaimed
Another day lost another day gone
I miss the free days of traveling to Saigon

Stopped counting Birthdays after 27
Can’t make any plans for fear of hell or heaven
If I could time all important dates on the rise of a high
Life would be too easy, like I had a literal third eye

I get up and do it over and over again
I stop and wonder how I built this biz now and then
And what got me here won’t get me there
Wish I was whole even if I need a lord’s prayer

I’m not religious but when it deeply persists
I’ve gotten on my knees a time and opened my fists
Please God be an altruist, I’m on my spiritual graveyard shift
Let me peacefully exist & get off this sick & ill waiting list

I’m on my way back from the IV
Hoping this will set me temporarily free
There’s suffering in the yearning to heal yourself
The seeking of relief is suffering itself

The pills, doctors, routines, and games of the mind
Maybe it’s time to let the dark truth shine
Paradoxically, the healing is not always in the light
But in the deep dark places that we secretly fight

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